It’s been a challenge to wrangle our Advice Committee members away from their adventures, but we’ve regrouped for our second installment of the modern committee. There is certainly no shortage of questions! Here are two choice specimens from the mailbag.

Dear Advice Committee,

I’m considering getting a dog for companionship, but I’m absolutely stuck as to which breed. Here’s the problem. I’m picky. Maybe too picky! I want a dog that is smallish, but not too large, but big enough to scare off burglars, but small enough to pick up, but fluffy, but with an easy-to-care-for-coat, with a big personality, with high intelligence, but a sweet nature, active, but a good lap dog, high energy, but not too hyper, beige, brown, white, one blue eye, one brown eye, and well-behaved. Is there any dog that fits that description?

-Dog Dilemma

Dear Dog Dilemma,

You’re in luck! There is a breed that fits all of your criteria. It is the chihuapoohuskitaspanstiff terrier. This rare creature is everything you have asked for, your only minor difficulty may be in finding one. I would suggest a visit to you local animal shelter for advice. If you can’t find a chihuapoohuskitaspanstiff terrier, you may fall in love with one of the other pooches available for adoption. As for getting a well-behaved dog, look for a pup with a calm personality and then invest some time in training…for both you and your new companion.

-HWS Advice Committee

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Dear Advice Committee,

Sometimes I get phone calls from male admirers. It’s very flattering, but I don’t always want to meet them for tea or parties and I have a very hard time saying “No.” What should I tell them in order to not meet up with them?

-Too Many Admirers

Dear Too Many Admirers,

The easiest approach would be to practice saying, “Thank you for the invitation, but I cannot attend.” If your man attempts to set another time, say, “Again, thank you, but my schedule will not allow.” If that still doesn’t work, try, “I’m very sorry, but I already have that time blocked out for my meeting with Jason Statham.” Be polite, but firm.

-HWS Advice Committee

Got a question for the HWS Advice Committee? Email the committee.